“Where’s Your Money?”

By: Kristin England; ©2001
Can money solve your problems? Can buying things for people make them your friends? What happens when the money runs out? Kristin England explains how she learned to put money in the proper perspective in her life. This is part eighteen of a series dealing with the after-effects of abortion.


Bankrupt! How humiliating to be sitting in bankruptcy court! How did I get here? I had excellent credit…too excellent for my own good. The more I spent the higher they raised my credit limit. I always paid my bills on time so everybody wanted to give me credit. And of course I wanted to buy things.

I had always liked buying things for others because that made them like me and then I had friends. If I could buy them really neat stuff then they would like me best and I would be popular. That didn’t really work though because they would take the gifts, then talk about me behind my back. They made fun of me because I was skinny, my teeth stuck out and I didn’t have store-bought clothes like they did. I didn’t have any of the nice things like the other kids. Many of my toys and clothes were hand made. My stuff wasn’t cool like theirs.

Then I thought if I could makeup my face to look pretty and wear expensive clothes I would fit in with the hip crowd. Next came the Firebird and more and more things…. None of this worked of course. I was still the same no matter what I did to try and be like the in-crowd. What did happen was I got deeper and deeper in debt. Then the unexpected expenses came and I could no longer meet the payments. At first my grandmother bailed me out. When she was gone I had no one to help. Final answer was bankruptcy.

My paychecks were gone before I even received them. There was no money for needs and certainly none left for pleasure. When you live your life in debt you are a slave to your debtors. Jesus did not die for us to be in bondage. He died to set us free. Free to live for Him and not serve this world.

My grandmother had always wanted me to make a budget and follow it but I never stuck to the budget. I always made up some reason for needing to spend my money frivolously. Spending money gave me comfort. I needed to feel like I deserved what I bought. Then I was worth something. I wasn’t a terrible person who had killed her baby. I was just as good as everybody else. But this never worked.

Have you ever examined your checkbook to see just where your money really goes? This was one of our lessons in the “First Place” Bible study. We learned to put God before all else in our lives. I started to think about every dollar I spent and asked myself, “Was it really necessary and did it bring honor to God?” “Why do we spend money for that which is not bread? And our labor for that which satisfieth not?” (Isaiah 55:2a)

As in Luke 17:5, I asked God to increase my faith. The increase of my faith was tested with my pocketbook. I had the choice of giving my tithe one Sunday morning or having money to buy groceries on Monday morning. I chose to give my tithe and trust God to meet my needs. I had no sooner written my check and sealed it in the envelope than some money fell out of an old purse I was cleaning out. I had put back some money for a rainy day and forgotten all about it. God has never failed me yet. I’ve learned to trust God in all aspects of my life since that day.

Take a closer look at where your money is and you might see what is really first place in your life too. Do you trust God for your healing from the pain of your abortion? If you can trust Him with your money, can’t you surely trust Him with your healing?

In Luke 12:22-34 Jesus said to his disciples: “do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens; they do not sow or reap; they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

I now treasure my handmade gifts above the store-bought gifts because they are given with the labor of love.

Being debt free I am able to give more money for missions and to help those in need. I can lay my head on my pillow at night and fall asleep without tossing and turning…worrying about how I will pay my bills. It gives me great joy to trust God for my daily needs. I pray that God will give you this same peace and that you trust Him to heal all your hurts and stay debt free.

Read Part 19

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