“Nowhere to Hide”

continued…

The police surrounded the parking lot and hurriedly went from business to business telling everyone to evacuate the area as quickly as possible. Something was mentioned about a possible bomb. The officers were quite urgent with their request. I secured the salon and called to inform the owner of what was taking place. I can remember a time when I would have been terrified and in a panic. I don’t believe I would have even taken the time to lock the door before leaving. Not so today…. I am no longer afraid of what this world can do to me. I know that God is in control of my life now and nothing will happen to me that He doesn’t allow.

This evacuation reminded me of the period after my abortion when I wanted to escape. In fact I wanted to evacuate my very being. I hated myself and couldn’t stand to look at me in the mirror. Maybe if I left town and moved far away I could start all over and things would be different. I could hide from the dreadful memories of my abortion. The people, places and things that made the memories so vivid would be far from my sight.

I had always dreamed of going to California. The movies made it seem so beautiful. I pictured myself as “Gidget” on the beach with new friends and lots of fun and romance. I had a new boyfriend who had been to California and wanted to go back. I was ready to go. I thought things would be great. Here l was 22 years old headed for Los Angeles with two guys and no money. We shot pool along the way for gas money. It didn’t matter that we didn’t know what would happen daily. We just had to get away. What an adventure we were on. But we were all actually running from our responsibilities.

I can still picture the beautiful scenery we passed as we drove across the United States. I was so excited I don’t believe I shut my eyes the whole trip for fear of missing something. This pretty picture didn’t last. The first place we stopped in California was a bar in Long Beach. At the table next to us were some “Hell’s Angels” bikers. On the other side were drug dealers, pimps and prostitutes. I was ready to go home. The bad memories seemed kinder than this bunch.

When the morning came things seemed a bit brighter. We drove on to see some friends around L. A. They were nice and I decided this might turn out to be okay after all. They helped us find an apartment and got me a job as a barmaid.

Every day after work we went drinking. California was quite different from Tennessee… bright lights, movie stars and topless dancers. I wasn’t used to bars with all those fancy drinks so l had to try them all. This helped numb the body, but the memories were still there. In fact, the more I drank the more miserable I became.

I missed my family and friends. Things were not greener in California. My conscience had followed me there. I was running to escape the wrath of God…. I thought I had committed the unpardonable sin. I couldn’t forgive myself so I was sure God couldn’t forgive me either. All the while God was waiting patiently to rescue me from myself. Satan wanted to keep me from my Savior. Satan is “The thief (who) comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10) Satan is the one who was telling me that I was unsavable. But, dear friend, Satan is not the judge; he is merely the accuser. Jesus is sitting on the right hand of God making intercessory prayer for us. “The Lord is…patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9)

Like the prodigal son in Luke 15:17-20, I came to my senses and returned home to open arms. I’m so thankful for my loving family. I wish I hadn’t put them through so many heartaches. Our Heavenly Father loves us unconditionally. It’s hard to understand a love so great that He would send His only Son to die a cross kind of death to save a sinner such as I.

I found no place to hide from my secret sin. Each time I tried to cover my sin I added another sin to it. Nothing is hidden from God. “Oh LORD, you have searched me and you know me, you know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me—in behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; If I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if l settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.” (Psalm 139:1-12)

Psalm 138:8 tells me that… “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me.” God has a plan and purpose for each one of us and… Being confident of this very thing, that he who hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6)

If only I had… “acknowledged my sin to [God] and… not covered up my iniquity, and said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the LORD’—that he might forgive the guilt of my sin.” (Psalm 32:5) But I was still too full of pride to submit my life to Jesus.

Until next time… “may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.” (2 Thessalonians 3:16)

Read Part 5