My Own Night Season

By: Nancy Missler; ©1999

Nancy Missler explains what it was like for her to have her world shatter around her, and describes her meeting with God as she tries to understand what was happening to her life. How did God minister to her in her time of trial?

My Shattered World

It was July of 1990. We had just found out that we owed the IRS several million dollars (yes, million!); that Chuck’s company was about ready to go into bankruptcy; that we were going to lose our “dream” home; that our insurance was going to be canceled; and that our cars and other valuables were going to be repossessed.

My world was about to be shattered, and there was nothing at all that I could do about it! There was nowhere to run for comfort, and no one I could turn to. I was alternating between numbness and total disbelief and I kept thinking, “How could this be happening to us? Disasters like this happen to people in their 20s and 30s, not responsible adults in their 50s!”

I was so devastated by all that was occurring (especially, since these were circumstances I personally had nothing at all to do with), that I decided to run to the only Person I knew where I could find help. And that was to God Himself.

Back in those days, we lived in Big Bear Lake in the mountains of Southern California, and my favorite place to go and seek God began right across the street from our house—a trail that led to the top of the mountain. So, I put on my old hiking clothes, grabbed my Bible and began my hike.

It was one of those perfect summer days. The sky was a brilliant blue and as a warm breeze blew gently at my back, I climbed higher and higher into the familiar hills. Through the beautiful pine trees, I could see glimpses every once in awhile of the shimmering lake far below.

We loved living in Big Bear. At this point, we had been there almost five years and it had been the most idyllic time we had had in our marriage. After twenty moves in thirty years, Chuck and I were more than ready to settle down. Our four very active, and now grown, children loved skiing, sailing and hiking, so they came often for weekends and holidays. We appreciated the little town of Big Bear so very much, with our wonderful church home and our many dear friends.

We lived in a spectacular home on the lake with a 180-degree view. What made it so special was that the house was built on huge boulders (the size of small cars and some even larger). The house was literally secured into the rocks themselves. We used to kid about living “on the rock.” We had bought this piece of property intending to retire there. It was a little piece of heaven.

Although Chuck was still active in business, he’d arranged his schedule so that we could be in Big Bear five days a week, and then spend the other two days in our small Orange County apartment down the hill. It was the perfect answer while he was making the transition to retirement. We planned to live in that “dream home” for the rest of our lives.

The original house that we had bought five years earlier was too small for us on a permanent basis, so we had just spent two years doing extensive remodeling. We had spent hours and hours handpicking all the perfect colors for paint, carpets and wallcoverings. We had only just moved back into the house a few months earlier when all the traumatic events began.

Meeting with God

As I hiked up the hill, I could see the lake glittering in the sunlight between the trees. I found a perfect knoll where I could sit and see for miles around me. I was just happy to be there with Jesus, away from all my problems.

As I began to pray and read the Scriptures (Genesis 12)—which talks about Abram building an altar to the Lord—the Spirit moved me to build an altar. I gathered as many stones as I could find, piled them high on top of each other (about three feet tall) and called it my “Bethel.” (I often wonder if that pillar is still there.)

I sat back, turned my eyes toward the sky and began to think about my life. Up unto this point, our lives had been blessed (even though early on we had had a few marital and family problems). On the whole, however, we had had a wonderful life. We had been married a little over thirty years, we had four beautiful children, a beautiful home, a fantastic job and future and many, many friends. Now, so very abruptly—so very quickly—all that had changed.

We not only were experiencing the bankruptcy, the IRS mess and the loss of our home, cars and insurance, but also at this same time, many of our close friends had turned their backs on us. As soon as the local media began broadcasting news of our bankruptcy, the rumor mills began.

Although we fully expected to be given a cold shoulder by the secular world, we weren’t prepared for the reaction we received from some of our dear Christian brothers and sisters, some of whom had invested in Chuck’s company. These were our beloved Christian friends—ones that we had counseled through their own marital and family difficulties. So it was such a shock that at the time we needed their support and their love the most, they would forsake us. Within a few days of the announcement on the radio and in the newspapers, our reputation was virtually ruined.

For me, the loss of my Christian brothers and sisters was the most agonizing part of the whole ordeal. When we had millions of dollars, our friends were too numerous to count. But when we owed millions and were in desperate straits, many of these “friends” quickly disappeared. If it hadn’t been for the encouragement of a few faithful families and a couple of people we barely knew, Chuck and I would have felt completely abandoned by the Body of Christ. It was an absolutely crushing experience!

Trying to pick up the pieces of our lives was like trying to sweep up after an explosion. My own ministry had by this time dwindled down to just a few speaking engagements and the books that I had so longed to write had been shelved because of all of our own personal problems.

As I meditated on all these things that had just occurred in my life, God directed me to 1 Peter which talks about a fiery trial of faith about ready to begin (1 Peter 1:7; 4:12) and Psalm 102:3, which says “My days are consumed like smoke and my bones are burned…” These Scriptures were not very encouraging, but they explained a little of what seemed to be taking place.

Even before the final crash of Chuck’s company, when everyone else was saying, “Don’t worry, it’s going to be fine,” every time I would pray, I seemed to receive Scriptures that indicated just the opposite—it wasn’t going to be fine; we were going to go down in flames. So, God had already forewarned me. I just should have been better prepared for the crash.

God ministered many things to me on the mountaintop that day, but the most wonderful thing He did was to give me some incredible personal promises through His Word. As I listened carefully for His words of divine guidance and encouragement, I was stunned by a string of almost unbelievable promises. Through the Scriptures and His Spirit, God spoke to me of a future ministry far beyond my wildest dreams. As I marked each Scripture fast and furiously, I understood how young David must have felt when Samuel anointed him for a destiny he couldn’t even imagine.

These were promises that I needed to hear at that time, in order to weather the coming storms. At first I was awed by what I read and heard God’s Spirit say to my heart and mind. But, over the next several weeks as I prayed and read the Word over and over again, God continued to confirm what I had heard on that mountaintop.