“This Was A Life!”

continued…

I thought everything would be okay. My worries of an unwanted pregnancy were over. But wait…something wasn’t right. I had this feeling of great loss, absolute emptiness. As women, when we aborted our child we went against our God given instinct to nurture and protect our babies.

Perhaps you can’t face the fact that you have aborted your child. You may have stuffed the memories in the darkest corner of your subconscious hoping they will never recur. This is denial. It’s our way of trying to protect ourselves from the emotional pain we don’t know how to deal with.

It could be you are telling yourself that this wasn’t a baby. It was just a blob of tissue. I wanted to say this too, but I knew better because I had seen my baby with my own eyes.

Again and again I saw the image of my baby before my eyes. This memory was very painful for me.

I saw a pamphlet that showed the stages of pregnancy and told how a baby grows. My baby had brain waves, his own blood type, fingerprints, sucked his thumb, felt pain, had all his bodily systems present and functioning and most likely could hear my voice. Oh, this was heavy on my heart. What had my baby felt, thought, suffered? And it was my fault….

Before you can begin the road to healing you must realize “this was a life”. So when does a baby’s life really began? Does this one little child matter to God? “The word of the LORD came to me saying; Before I formed you in the womb I knew you” (Jeremiah 1:4-5)

God cares about each and every one of us…we are important to Him: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:13-16) To me, this is so incredible that God had each day of my life and my baby’s life written in His book BEFORE he formed us.

Reality hit me like a ton of bricks when I told my five-year-old little niece Kelly about my abortion. Let me tell you how this happened: Kelly comes to visit me almost every weekend. She looks to me as a mother in her life and we are very close. I treasure the love we have for each other so I was afraid to tell her I had aborted my son. I was afraid she was not old enough to understand. As a curious child she kept asking me questions about post abortion literature I had until I finally told her what I had done. Her response was, “You killed your baby! I can’t believe you did that! We have to pray right now and ask God to forgive you. Right now…we must pray!” I explained to her that I had already prayed and asked God to forgive me and He had. Then she said. “When I get married and have a baby, I will give my first child to you since you don’t have any children. But, you have to promise me that you won’t kill that baby. It is wrong to kill your baby.” Such wisdom from one so young! As you can probably imagine…this brought tears. We cried together for what I had done. Kelly had forgiven me too. Because Kelly knows Jesus as her Lord and Savior, she showed me the love of Jesus in person. I’ll never forget this time in our relationship. It was truly beautiful.

This was the first time I had said the words “killed my baby”. They stabbed like a knife. The word killed was much stronger than the word aborted. This was murder! “You shall not murder.” (Exodus 20:13)

So why am I asking you to relive your abortion? It’s over and nobody has to know. But remember dear friend that you know and God knows. “You know my folly, O God; my guilt is not hidden from you.” (Psalm 69:5). It’s nearly impossible to live with this guilt, “the way of transgressors is hard.” (Proverbs 13:15)

Sin wounds! Because of my sin: “My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and are loathsome because of my sinful folly.” (Psalm 38:4-5) Hidden sin is rather like a deep wound. If the sore heals over on the outside, it will later abscess. The infection will spread through the bloodstream to all parts of your body and if left untreated can destroy you. Our healing process must start from the inside.

Sin separates us from God. Do you realize that we have sinned against God? We have taken a life. We need God to forgive us. We need a Savior.

Romans 6:23: “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus, our Lord.”

Romans 5:8: “But God commendeth his love toward us in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

God made us to have a love relationship with Him and He is the only one who can fill our emptiness for He is our El-Shaddai (Mighty, powerful, strong God who supplies and satisfies. The God who is more than enough and has an endless supply to meet our every need.) (Genesis 17:1-2) God can meet your every need just as He has met mine.

I pray that God will hold you in His “everlasting arms” until next time. (Deut. 33:27)

Read Part 3