“When I’m On My Knees”

continued…

My first job was as a hairdresser in a large salon. I can remember a Saturday that I had prom do’s with very long hair to put up in fancy curls. My arms were so tired by the end of the day that I could barely carry my purse. I had to rush to the grocery store to buy a few things for the weekend before I caught the last bus home. I didn’t think I was buying many groceries, but by the time they were bagged I had two sacks full, a carton of cokes and my big purse. I had to carry them to the front of the mall to get on the bus. As I passed each store the groceries got heavier and heavier and my arms were weaker and weaker. They began to slip down my arms. My arms were aching and I couldn’t hold them up any longer. They gradually slipped down to my waist, then my hips. I was on my knees, my groceries on the floor. I didn’t have the strength to pick them back up. A very kind man and his family came to my rescue. They helped me to the bus stop. When we reached my stop, I told the driver I would have to set one bag off and then get my other bag. Evidentially he didn’t hear me as he started up right away. There I was, chasing the bus down the street yelling for the driver to stop. Someone finally noticed and got him to stop. I retrieved my groceries and made it into a little diner to call my roommate for help getting home. While I was on the phone my grocery bag fell off the bench and everything rolled down the aisle. The one thing my roommate requested that I buy for her was instant coffee and that was the one item that broke into a million pieces! Everyone in the restaurant was laughing, while I was ready to cry! How could they be so cruel? When I finally walked through my apartment door, I fell across the bed in tears… totally exhausted and humiliated. The day had been more than I was able to handle. “Help, Lord….” (Psalm 12:1)

This reminds me of the beautiful song my Pastor’s wife, Nancy, sings at church, “When I’m On My Knees,” for I’ve learned how to survive: “I fall on my knees, I fall on my knees. There I stand before the Lord that changes me. See, I don’t know how but there’s power when I’m on my knees.” I don’t have to carry all my burdens around anymore. At first I still wasn’t convinced that I could trust God with all my burdens.There were so many and how could He understand. Yet “we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:15-16)

“During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save Him from death, and He was heard because of His reverent submission.” (Hebrews 5:7) There is no reason we have to carry these burdens of guilt, torment, misery, emptiness, anger, grief, shame, regret, an unforgiving heart and bitterness around. The burdens are much too heavy. We have a Savior who tells us: “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28-29) “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee.” (Psalm 55:22)

Luke 22:44 tells how difficult it was for Jesus as He knelt in prayer on the Mount of Olives before He gave His life for us on the cross: “and being in anguish He prayed more earnestly, and His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.” It was not easy for me to bend my knee in prayer of submission the first time but I cried to God for help and asked Him to forgive me my sin of abortion, make me a new person and take away the pain of my sin. I thought I was too wicked a person for God to want to help me. I didn’t think I deserved to be free of the weight of sin. But He has promised to lighten our load if we will come to Him. I was so weak emotionally that I didn’t think I could go on another day. When I finally gave up and left my burdens at the foot of the cross, I knew then that, “When I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:10)

It’s usually when we have tried everything in our power with all the wrong results that we finally come to God for His help. It’s when we stray from our gentle Shepherd that we are dangerously in trouble. If we would only start each day on our knees to our Heavenly Father, we wouldn’t have to go to Him to fix our mistakes. Prayer is so important… I Thessalonians 5:28 tells us that it is God’s will for us to “pray continually.” We should never grow tired of praying. In Luke 18:1: “Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.” My dear friend, the HolySpirit has even awakened me in the middle of the night when I needed to pray. God has done some great things in my life because of prayer and obedience.

It took me too many years and too much heartache to realize I was hopeless by myself. I didn’t have to be alone… because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” (Hebrews 13:5-6) When we kneel in prayer and give God the freedom to heal us from all the pain of our abortion experience, He gladly pours out His love to us.

“You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.” (James 2:19) They just refuse to bend their knees to Him. “Christ died and returned to life so that He might be the Lord of both the dead and the living. For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written: ” ‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.’ ” (Romans 14:9-11)

“…I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” (Ephesians 3:14-21)

Read Part 9