Dos and Don’ts of Prayer

Now, to be very clear, this is not going to be a long-drawn-out list of what you should and should not do when praying. But there are three things I do want to mention, because I think many of us fail exactly in these areas. First, two “don’ts”:

Don’t treat prayer like a shopping list.

I know I’m often guilty of this one. I come to God with a long list of my wants and needs. Sometimes I think we tend to think of God as proprietor of some heavenly big box store, who just sits in His office, feet up on His desk, waiting for us to present our shopping list. And while God does often grant us our requests, He certainly does not answer every prayer, nor provide every selfishly requested item or outcome. 

John 14:13 says, “And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.” There are two keys there for answered prayer. First, “in my name.” That means in essence that your request needs to be in line with God’s will. And second, the ultimate outcome of answered prayer is that God is glorified. Far, far too often, our prayers fit neither of those categories.

Now, on to “don’t” number two:

Don’t allow your prayers or your prayer requests to fall into the category of gossip. 

I’m sure you know this one. The scenario: it’s Wednesday night, and the church is holding a prayer meeting. One by one members of the congregation give their “requests” for other people, including far more detail than is necessary, perhaps even details that have been given in confidence. And in truth, the requester may not even care at all if prayer is offered for the person, as long as they get to tell all the nitty-gritty details. I call this “sanctified gossip.” Don’t tell me you haven’t been guilty of this!  But trust me, God is not amused!

• Proverbs 11:13 – Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.
• Proverbs 18:8 – The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
• Proverbs 20:19 – A gossip betrays confidence, so avoid anyone who talks too much.
• 2 Corinthians 12:20 – I fear that perhaps when I come, I may find you not as I wish and that you may find me not as you wish—that perhaps there may be quarrelling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.
• 1 Timothy 5:13 – And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not.

We could go on, but that should be sufficient to get the point across: public prayer time is not, and should not be, gossip hour!

And now for the “do”:

Do treat prayer like a late-night phone call to your significant other. 

If you have never done this, you at least know how it goes. It’s late in the evening, and your significant other calls you. You are on the phone for hours and hours, chatting about everything and nothing. You might talk about what you love most about the other person. Perhaps you reveal your deepest secrets. You speak of your love for one another. Sometimes you may talk about troubles or difficulties in your life. Sometimes you might ask for and receive wise counsel about a situation. Sometimes you don’t say a thing, but just sit on the phone and listen to your significant other breathe. You don’t care, as long as you can be together, well, at least be on the phone together. 

This is the very essence of what it means to “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

God craves that kind of communication with you. And I do mean communication. Sometimes you speak, sometimes you are just silent and listen. 

Can you imagine what it was like for Adam as he walked with God in the cool of the day (Genesis 3:8)? 

Can you imagine what it was like for Enoch as he walked with God (Genesis 5:24), and (okay, sanctified imagination), God said to him, “Hey, why don’t you come on home with me so we can continue this conversation.” 

Can you imagine what it would do for your own relationship with God if you built these times of honest communication into your own life? Try it, and you may find that Kathrina von Schlegel was right when she wrote:

Be still, my soul; the hour is hast’ning on
when we shall be forever with the Lord,
when disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
all safe and blessed we shall meet at last.^[1]

1. Stanza 4 of “Be Still, My Soul,” Kathrina von Schlegel, public domain.↑