1st Corinthians ā Wayne Barber/Part 47
By: Dr. Wayne Barber; ©1998 |
In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 weāre going to look at āMay I Marry or Should I Remain Single?ā You say, āThatās what weāve already looked at.ā No, in verses 1-7 we looked at āShould I marry or remain single?ā Now weāre changing gears a little bit: May I marry or should I remain single? |
1 Corinthians 7:8-9
Should I Marry or Remain Single ā Part 5
In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 weāre going to look at āMay I Marry or Should I Remain Single?ā You say, āThatās what weāve already looked at.ā No, in verses 1-7 we looked at āShould I marry or remain single?ā Now weāre changing gears a little bit: May I marry or remain single?
I want to share with you in entering in to the Scripture. Itās not as easy as you might think. When you just surface-read it, you get all kinds of thoughts out of it. But when you start studying it, you realize the depths that are here.
When I first came to this church I used to do all the baptisms, and now the staff does that. Iām so grateful, because it saves me a lot of suits. They had a pair of chest waders that were a size 11. I always felt like a hopeless cripple when I went out to baptize. I wear a size 13. So the feet were not big enough. I had my feet all cramped up in those things and they had holes in the waders. When I used to try to wear my suit under it, it was very embarrassing to come out and preach in a wet suit. The water would just seep into those boots.
I remember one day somebody forgot to turn the heater on in the baptistery. It was in the middle of the wintertime. When I walked out and stepped into it, I knew it was cold, but when that water started going through the holes in my boots, folks, it was cold. The precious little girl that was baptized that morning, when she walked out, she stepped into the water and her breath left her. I said, āHurry. Weāre going to do this quick, because I want out of here too.ā
I tell that illustration because sometimes, when youāre studying Scripture, we all must remember I am not the authority. There may be some holes in my waders when I wade into the waters of 1 Corinthians 7. So, donāt ever take what I say as being the last word. You be a student of Godās Word. Be a Berean; check it out; see if it be so. And if itās so, then reckon with it. Iām doing the best I can. Itās over my head. Thank God, whatās over my head is under His feet.
Hereās the way I see 1 Corinthians 7:8-9. Now, again, we have looked at in verses 1-7, āShould I marry or should I remain single?ā We are looking at the answers to questions that we donāt have. In verse 1 of chapter 7 we read, āNow, concerning the things about which you wrote.ā For some reason, in Godās sovereignty, He chose not to give us the letter they wrote to the apostle Paul. So we do not have the benefit of knowing what the questions were that they were asking Paul. All we know are the answers that he gives in return. It appears that the questions in verses 1-7 had to do with āShould I marry or should I remain single?ā
Remember, some of these people were of Paul. Paul was a single man and, therefore, they became celibate and they told everybody, āSince Paul is this way, weāre going to be this way and thatās the way to be spiritual.ā Thatās ridiculous, and Paul begins to show us that in verses 1-7.
Evidently all the questions they were asking somehow centered around the perverted ideas they had of sex. For me to mention the word āsexā in open assembly in church with a mixed group, some people already begin to be horrified, and Iāll tell you why. Because as you were growing up, nobody distinguished in your mind between immorality and sexual intimacy in marriage, which is righteous, which is good, which is God ordained and which is blessed. There is a tremendous difference in that. You see, the Corinthians out of the perversion of their mind had even made the statement, āItās good for a man not to even touch a woman,ā because of their misunderstanding of this truth.
Paul picks up on that and he says in verse 1, āIt is good for a man not to touch a woman.ā But we understand what heās saying. He makes a distinguishing difference here. He shows that in marriage, with a man and his wife, that truth does not hold water, because, in marriage, sex is something that God has ordained and it is good for a man to touch his wife. Itās different. But outside of marriage itās not good for a man to touch a woman.
The word ātouch,ā as we saw, is the word that means with sexual intention. Itās not just a touch. For those of you that havenāt been here, weāve been using the phrase, āThereās a hug and there is a HUG.ā Thereās a difference here. When Paul says that itās good for a man not to touch a woman, he means with something else in mind. Itās not just a simple hug or touching somebody. Thatās not what heās talking about, except within the marriage bonds. There is a definite distinction.
I want to remind the parents, that if you donāt make that distinction with your children as youāre raising them up, of what immoralities are in verse 2 and what sexual intimacy is in marriage which Paul talks about in all of those verses, then thatās going to follow your child into their marriage relationship one day, and itās going to pervert their whole view of what God says is right and what God designed for His people.
Well, beginning in verse 8, the apostle Paul seemed to shift gear. In verses 1-7, āShould I marry or remain single?ā was based on a perverted understanding of what sexual intimacy was all about, even in marriage. But in verse 8, itās different. Itās more the idea, āCan I marry or should I remain single?ā
The first group he mentions in verse 8, as we read, are the unmarried. He says in verse 8, āBut I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I.ā
Who are these unmarried? There are three terms in chapter 7 that caught my eye as I studied the whole chapter. First of all are the unmarried; secondly, the widows; thirdly are the virgins mentioned in verse 25, those who have never had sexual experience, those who have never been married. Now, thatās interesting to me, because it comes back to answering the question of who are the unmarried he speaks of in verse 8. He only addresses two verses to the unmarried and to the widows, and then in verse 10 he goes on to the married. Who are these unmarried?
The term āunmarriedā is the word agamos. A means without, and gamos has to do with wedding or marriage; in other words, without marriage, not being married. Itās only found four times in the New Testament, all four times right here in this chapter. I believe the term defines itself as to who the unmarried are. Iāll tell you who I think they are, and Iāll show you why I think that. I think they are the divorced people who are writing questions to Paul and saying, āCan we marry or should we remain single?ā He was talking about people who have never been married before, but here heās talking about people who are in the state of not being married now, but have been in marriage. Then he adds widows to that, which have been married, but are in a different state of circumstances because of the death of a spouse.
Look down in verses 10-11 in chapter 7 and we see the second time itās used. It says in verse 10, āBut to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband,ā then in verse 11 in parenthesis he puts, ā(but if she does leave, let her remain unmarried.).ā Thatās the same word, agamos. There the word is used in relationship to somebody who has been married before. Theyāre divorced and they have left their husband. So the term āunmarriedā fits our description here.
In verse 32 thereās no clear distinction, although itās used there. But look in verse 34. Verse 34 to me is even the clearest understanding that the group of people heās addressing are the divorced people and the widows. Let me show you why. He has to qualify the term unmarried in verse 34. Why would he have to qualify that if it meant the same thing in both places? Look at what it says in verse 34. In the New American Standard it says, āand his interests are divided.ā The translators are connecting the little word in that verse that means divide back to verse 33. Iām not going to mire you up into that, but they did a little different thing than what the King James translators did. Iāll show you that in a moment. ā[A]nd his interests are divided. And the woman who is unmarried, and the virgin [now, thatās the same person here. Why? Look at the verb. Itās singular] is concerned.ā Not āareā; weāre not talking about two people. The unmarried person here, he qualifies as a virgin, somebody whoās never been married, somebody whoās never had any sexual experience in their life. ā[T]hat she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.ā
The King James Version to me even makes it more clear. The King James Version in the same verse says, āThere is difference also between a wife and a virgin.ā Then it says, āThe unmarried woman,ā referring directly to the virgin here, ācares for the things of the Lord that she may be holy both in body and in spirit; but she that is married [referring to the wife], cares for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.ā
My point is this, if unmarried in verse 8 is the same as unmarried in verse 34, why is it that Paul had to qualify it and put the fact that this unmarried person is a virgin? Sheās without sexual experience. Sheās without marriage in the past. You see, there are obviously two situations here. In verse 8 heās dealing with those who have been divorced, have been married and are now in the state of not being married. But in verse 34 heās dealing with a lady who has never been married, never had any sexual experience in her life.
To further my case that heās talking about the divorced and the widowed, he adds the widows to it. Why would he do that? He says to the unmarried and to the widows, āI say to remain in the state that Iām in.ā Why would he say that? Well, he could be doing what God has done all through Scripture. He always honors the orphan and the widow. God says, as a matter of fact, in Psalms 68:5, the psalmist speaks of God that He is a father of the fatherless and a judge of the widows. Heās God in His holy habitation. Thatās the character of God. God especially ministers to these two groups of people because they have no help. God becomes a father and a husband, if you please, to those who are widowed. He becomes the fulfillment, the satisfaction, and the sufficiency to these people when the one they depended upon has been taken out of their life.
He could be doing that. Paul could just be saying, āHey, out of the unmarried, there are the widows.ā But he could be doing something else. This, to me, supports what Iāve been trying to say. He could be distinguishing between the widows and the divorced; because both of them had been married before, but theyāre unmarried now, but because of different circumstances. The widow is unmarried because of the death of a spouse. To no fault of her own, her husband is dead, and, therefore, sheās a widow. However, the other person has been divorced. Sheās been married. There was fault in this situation on someoneās part and now she is in the state of being unmarried. So to support my case and to follow that line, hoping thereās no holes in my waders as we wade into the water of 1 Corinthians 7, I believe in verses 8 and 9 heās referring to those who have been married before and theyāre asking the question, āCan we marry or should we remain single?ā There are older widows, and these are people who have been divorced.
How do I know theyāre older widows? 1 Timothy 5:14 says, āI say to the younger widows to get married, have children because thatās best for you.ā So these have to be older widows, older people who their husband has been deceased. And he speaks to them in a very special way. There are several things I think we need to understand from his teaching here. Now, remember, there are three classes of being single which he addresses in chapter 7. One is single again, having been divorced. Two is single again, having been widowed. Three is single, never been married, a virgin, never had any sexual experience whatsoever. So the apostle Paul, answering the question addressed to him by these people, makes the statement, āit is good for them if they remain even as I.ā He refers to his single state that he is in.
Let me throw something at you. You might want to chew on it. If thatās correct, and I think it is, then could Paul be saying that he was once married but perhaps has been divorced since he became a Christian from being a Pharisee or perhaps widowed? You say, āWhere does that come from?ā I just read the verse to you. āI say to the unmarried and to widows that you remain even as I.ā āEven as Iā is an important statement right there.
Many people think he was part of the Sanhedrin, and to be a part of the Sanhedrin you had to be married. So could Paul have been married? He says in Philippians, āI have suffered the loss of all things.ā Could the āall thingsā happen to be a wife somewhere along the way? We donāt know that. By the way, I just said that to give myself a break and to see if youāre awake. Thereās no way in the world you can prove that either way you go, so donāt jump on that and decide that youāre intelligent. Youāre going to show how unintelligent you are by even taking up the argument. You cannot prove it. We donāt even know for a fact that Paul was a member of the Sanhedrin. So you have to be real careful how you handle stuff like that. However, it was fun to say.
Accept the fact that marriage is good
Alright, letās look at the three principles that Paul is bringing to these people who have been divorced or been married before, widows. They ask, āCan we remarry or should we remain single?ā First of all, Paul says to this particular group of people, āAccept the fact that marriage is good.ā Now, weāve got to understand that statement here. Thatās what he says. He says, there in verse 8, āto the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I.ā
āItās good for you.ā Iām already feeling some of you saying, āYeah, thatās good for Paul to say and for you to say, but Iāve got a different slant on that whole thing.ā Letās look at it. There are two things we need to be reminded of that weāve already studied in verses 6 and 7. One, that in verse 6, Paul showed us that it is not a command to get married. Even though marriage is Godās idea, itās His idea, it is not a command. God never makes a command, āYes, you get married.ā No, thatās not the way it works. He leads each one of us individually to the fact of whether weāre married or whether weāre single. Understand that. If youāre not married, youāre not breaking some command of God.
Secondly, in verse 7 of chapter 7, he said in the last part of the verse that being married is a gift and being single is a gift. With the gift goes the grace enablement to bear up under whatever state that weāre in. Paul knew this grace. He says in Philippians 4:11, āI have learned to be content in whatever circumstance I find myself.ā This is why he says to them in verse 7, āYet I wish that all men were even as I myself am.ā Many people have translated that to mean that Paul says, āI wish you were all single.ā That makes no sense whatsoever. Being single or being married was never the focus of the apostle Paul. Paulās focus was to be a vessel usable to Christ as long as he lived. Thatās all he wanted to be, a vessel usable to Christ as long as he lived, surrendered to Christ. Thatās all the focus of Paul.
Paul is saying, āListen, those of you who are single, if you would spend as much time developing a relationship with Christ as you do looking for a mate, and people who are married, if you would spend as much time developing intimacy with Christ before you expressed intimacy with one another, then we could rid ourselves of all these questions. I wish you were all like I am.ā Thatās what heās saying. Whatever state you find yourself, let Jesus be the focus of your life. Let Jesus be your sufficiency. Let Jesus be your fulfillment. Thatās what he was saying.
In verse 8, having said that, he now addresses those who had been married before and are now in an unmarried state. He takes that truth right into the verse. He wants them to see, not only is it good, itās a gift. When he says, āeven as I,ā he refers to the fact that he is single and heās saying, āListen, itās good for you to remain even as I am. Itās good for you. Godās will is always good.ā This is whatās difficult to hear sometimes.
It says in Romans 12:2, āAnd do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.ā
Now, in this perfect will of God, in this good will of God that renders some people unmarried who have been married before, we find the widows. Thatās a very sensitive thing. To the widow, God is saying to you, āI love you, but I have chosen out of the goodness of my heart to take your loved one on through the valley of the shadow of death before you have to walk through it. But I want you to know Iām orchestrating your circumstances. I am there to be your sufficiency. Wrap yourself around Me. Surrender yourself to Me and follow Me and discover the joys of being about My business until I come for you.ā So itās a good thing. To widows, itās not as if Godās out to get you. Heās not out to hurt you. He says itās a good thing that you are unmarried. He didnāt say that itās a painless thing. He said itās a good thing.
The point is, if youāre unmarried for whatever reason, do not fight it. Receive it as a gift from God. You see, thatās our problem. What God says is good, we say is bad. You see, we have to see it from our point of view. Thatās what humanistic thinking does. Thatās exactly what it does. Humanistic reasoning always questions what God does. But if we back off of that and receive it as a gift, call it what God calls it, itās good, itās profitable for me, then we begin to understand the truth of what Paul is saying. You must accept your being unmarried as a good gift from God and with it receive the enablement that comes with the gift.
The word for gift in verse 7 is charisma. It has to do with the giver, the heart of the gift, the gift itself, the divine enablement that accompanies the gift. Itās all in one package. So this state that youāre in, whether youāre married or whether youāre single, is a gift by God; and in that gift is the enablement to bear up under it, to endure it, and to live fulfilled in Christ until He changes your situation. Therefore, the state of being unmarried has your best in mind. God allows it in your life. He either orchestrated it or allowed it for your good. Itās the best for you.
Now, the word for good is very important to understand. Itās the word kalos. In this context, and several Iām going to show you, it has the idea of meaning profitable. Itās profitable for you. Again, he didnāt say itās painless, but he said itās profitable for you.
Go over to Matthew 18:8. I want to show you how this word is used as meaning profitable and, again, not painless but profitable. Matthew 18:8 says, āAnd if your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; it is better for you [kalos, thatās the word right there], to enter life crippled or lame, than having two hands or two feet, to be cast into the eternal fire.ā Verse 9 uses the same analogy. āAnd if your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out, and throw it from you. It is better for you, kalos, to enter life with one eye, than having two eyes, to be cast into the fiery hell.ā
Now go back to 1 Corinthians and look in chapter 9 and verse 15. He uses this word again in the sense of being profitable for you. If youāre unmarried today but youāve been married before, whether youāre a widow or youāve been divorced, understand itās good for you to be unmarried. It is profitable for you to be unmarried in the state that youāre in. Itās even a gift and God gives you the enablement to bear up under it. First Corinthians 9:15 says, āBut I have used none of these things. And I am not writing these things that it may be done so in my case; for it would be better for me, kalos, to die than have any man make my boast an empty one.ā So, the word means to profit somebody. When Paul says, āItās good for you to remain even as I,ā heās not saying itās painless; heās saying it is profitable for you.
Now, profitable for what? He says, āeven if you remain as I.ā The word āremainā is the word that means to abide in something. When my parents wanted me to stay still, they would say to me, āWayne Allen,ā and my daddy would draw an imaginary circle and say, āWayne Allen, you stay right inside this circle and donāt you move.ā In other words, you stay there. Itās going to be profitable for you to stay there, to remain inside that circle, to remain unmarried as the text is telling us. It is profitable to remain.
I can hear the wheels turning. Youāre either widowed or youāve been married before and youāre unmarried right now and youāre saying, āYeah, profitable. What do you mean profitable?ā Letās let the Scripture speak for itself. Look down in verse 32 of chapter 7. Paul shows you one of the ways in which it profits you to remain unmarried. Can I marry or remain single? The apostle Paul is saying, āHey, if youāre unmarried, having been married before, itās better to stay in the state that youāre in.ā Why can it be better? How can it be profitable for me? He says in verse 32, āBut I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord.ā In other words, thereās nothing hindering him. Thereās nothing pulling his attention from this to that. He lives his life totally focused on pleasing the Lord.
Does that mean a married person canāt do that? No, no; thatās not what Paul is saying. We understand exactly what heās saying. If youāre married, Iām sure you have a perfect wife or a perfect husband. Iām sure you have a perfect financeā, and Iām sure you have perfect children and Iām sure that your whole life is just spent in one merry, wonderful time of just pleasing the Lord. Yeah, right. If you say it is, I want to talk to you. We need to get your interview on tape, because youāre the only one Iāve ever known whoās that way.
The apostle Paul is not saying itās impossible, but heās saying when youāre married, there are a million things that can pull you off the track from just serving the Lord. But if youāre single, itās profitable. You can wrap yourself up in Christ. You can just surrender to Him, focus on Him, be about His work and nothing hinders you in any way. Itās profitable for you to remain single.
My mother was 55 years old when my father was taken. He was sixty when he went on to be with the Lord. I was 23. For the next 15 years Mom had sort of like seasons which came into her life. The first five years she grieved. Oh, she grieved at my dadās death. Grief is a clean wound, but it takes times to heal. Thereās nothing wrong with that. Thatās not sinful. Thatās just reality. I remember one day when she had come down with leukemia and she was in the hospital and she called me. She said, āWayne, the most awesome thing just happened to me.ā I said, āWhat happened, Mom?ā Because every time I called it was what was wrong and everything was bad and I got to where I didnāt even want to call home any more because she was so depressed. She said, āWayne, it was like Jesus was in the room with me today. The room was so filled with the glory of God. Wayne, I wept and wept and wept. It was like God just came into my room to let me know itās okay.ā
She said to me, āWayne, it was like God said to me, āEverything is okay. I am everything you need. You donāt need anything else.āā Do you know what we were doing as her kids? Running around trying to play cupid. We thought it was cute. Weāre trying to find Mama a mate. Mother didnāt want a mate. Mother didnāt need a mate. Mother needed to learn what Paul said, āItās good for you to be unmarried. You can focus in on Him and find a fulfillment you have never, ever know before.ā We always jump to conclusions.
Paul says, āHey, I didnāt say it was going to be painless. Iām telling you itās profitable for you to remain even as I am.ā So if youāve been married before, understand it can be profitable for you to remain unmarried. Stop trying to help everybody get married. If God wants it, God will order it. Leave them alone. Let God be their sufficiency.
Accept the fact that your sexual desires must be under control
The second thing he says here, not only to accept the fact that being unmarried is good, but to be unmarried they must accept the fact that their sexual desires must be absolutely under control. I want you to understand something. Every question you have is not going to be answered here. Youāve got to realize Paul was being asked questions that were written in to him. Heās trying to give them an answer.
Have you ever been in that situation? I go into meetings all the time and they say, āWayne, will you let us ask you some questions?ā I do that periodically, and all of a sudden Iām giving answers and Iām thinking as Iām answering it, āGood night! Iām not covering this at all. Man, there are so many other things I wish I had said.ā Thatās 1 Corinthians 7. This is not a complete teaching on anything. However, it gives us some sound principles to stand upon.
He says in verse 9, āBut if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn.ā Now, thatās interesting. After telling them that itās profitable for them to remain unmarried, he turns right around and puts a balance into his teaching by bringing up some stark reality.
Folks, he says, āBut if they do not have self-control.ā The ātheyā refers to the unmarried. The word āself-controlā means to be in authority over something, so much so that you control it. Of course, what heās talking about is their sexual desires. In the secular Greek, itās not only used in sexual appetites, but itās used in physical appetites like going on a diet. They had no control over their physical appetites. Well, here is the appetite for sex. And he says, āHey, if youāre going to remain single, itās profitable, but youāve got to remember something. Youāve got to be in control of your sexual desires because youāre going to have them and youāre going to have to learn how to control them and how to live with them.ā
You see, weāve got to learn God gave us sexual desires. However, sin perverted them. I had a young person come to me in a camp one time. He said, āMan, thatās great! I lust and thatās okay, because God gave me that lust.ā I said, āHe did not. He gave you a pure, righteous, sexual desire and sin perverted it and made it into lust.ā Thatās what weāve got to understand. God didnāt make us the way we are, but He did give us the sexual desires. The fact that we have sinned made us the way we are. Thatās why we have to let Jesus overcome us daily, which is the message of grace we preach. Hereās all the proof that you need of the intensity of the sexual desire in a person. It must be put under control.
Any one who has studied Romans 6 and 7 know that the apostle Paul had to deal with the desires of his flesh but he learned how to live up under grace and the controlling power of the Holy Spirit of God. The natural man is what you and I were before we got saved, and the natural man was given sexual desires. It was already perverted after Adam sinned in Genesis 3.
Look back in 1 Corinthians 2:14. Itās important that we see this. He says, āBut a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God; for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised.ā Now, he has these sexual appetites, but he has no control over them because he canāt receive the things of God. Only God can give us victory over the perversion of our sexual desires. Only He can make them right. Only He can channel them the right way.
The word ānaturalā in verse 14 of 1 Corinthians 2 translates the Greek word, psuchikos which comes from the word psuche, which means soul. The psuche is the part of man that is immaterial that enables him to relate to the natural world around him. In other words, itās the animalistic part of us. Animals have the same type of things. They have instincts. They have an ability to relate to the world thatās around them. The thing that separates us from all other creation is that God has given us a spirit, and itās in our spirit His spirit comes to dwell.
A natural man, when heās not in control of his desires, lives as an animal. He satisfies his sexual desires any time any way he wants to with nobody giving any control over it, just like a dog would in a pack. Thatās the man without Christ. Thatās all he has. He cannot control these desires. Theyāve been perverted because of sin. Thatās why Jesus said in Luke 14:26, āIf anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My discipleā. That word for ālifeā there is this little word psuche.
What Heās saying is unless man is willing to put that which is the animalistic part of him under the control of the Holy Spirit of God, how in the world does he think he can be My disciple? He canāt follow me obeying the whim of every desire that he has. Heās got to be willing to lay that down. Heās got to be willing to turn his back on that. Heās got to be willing to just surrender and focus upon Me. We live in bodies that have sexual desires and when we are not under the control of God the Holy Spirit these desires are free to be expressed as they will.
Now, back in our text the word in verse 9 for āifā is a very important word. He says, āif anyone cannot control his desires.ā The āifā there is a hypothetical āif.ā Heās referring to the unmarried. Heās saying that some of these people who are unmarried have been married before, whether widowed or divorced, and theyāre not going to be able to conquer these sexual desires that they now have. Now, thatās an oxymoron to say they canāt, because they can. You know what an oxymoron is. Itās interesting how you put those two truths together. They have the victory. The victory is Christ. The problem is they wonāt live in it. They just wonāt. They choose not to. As a result of that, theyāre constantly stumbling and stumbling because of this sexual desire that burns within them. There are going to be that exception to the rule. There are going to be those. Thatās just reality. I wish I could say that every Christian lives in the victory God has for them. But every Christian doesnāt live that way. He says, āBut if they do not have self-control.ā
The word ānotā is the absolute word for not. It means if they do not in any way, shape, or form have it. Again, I said, thatās an oxymoron because they do, but they donāt live as if they do. So Paul is balancing this statement that he has made back in verse 8. To the divorced, the widowed, accept the fact that being unmarried is good. But we also must accept the fact that the sexual desires of our flesh must be under control.
Let me suggest something to you that I think proves the fact that heās talking to people who have been married before in verses 8 and 9. The virgin of verse 25 of chapter 7 has sexual desires, yes, but they have never been awakened by sexual experience. Thereās a big difference, huge difference. Which one do you think is going to have the most difficulty controlling their sexual desire, the person whoās never experienced anything or the person whoās lived married and had those desires awakened and now is unmarried and having to deal with those desires?
I love the works I have read about Peter Marshall. Heās dead now. His wife, Catherine Marshall, wrote a book and in her book I so applaud her for her honesty and her vulnerability. She said that one of the biggest battles she had to face was the awakened sexual desires that she had, married to her late husband, that now cannot be satisfied.
The apostle Paul says, āIt is profitable for you to remain as I.ā But I want to tell you something, the hard truth. Youāre going to have to learn to overcome those sexual desires. There are going to be some of you who arenāt going to do it. You can, oh, yes. It will be your choice. And for those heās going to go on and say, āItās better for you to marry.ā
So the first thing is to accept the fact that being unmarried is good. Secondly, accept the fact if youāre going to remain unmarried you must have your sexual desires under control. He speaks of the gift of singleness and I think that means continued singleness. And if Godās given you that, He gives you the enablement to overcome that. Paul had it so others can have it. But you see, youāve got to live in it. Those who donāt have it, he puts them in a little different category here, not necessarily good or bad, but a different category.
Accept the fact that marriage is the only place to satisfy these desires
Now we move into the next part of what he says. First of all, accept the fact that being unmarried is good. Secondly, accept the fact that your sexual desires must be under control while single. Thirdly, Paul is saying to the unmarried that you must accept the fact that marriage is the only place where these sexual desires may be fulfilled. In other words, marriage for you may be more profitable than for you to remain unmarried. When he says that itās better to marry, let them marry, you have to remember something hereāI keep having to interject thisāonly as that marriage meets the qualifications of Scripture. Thatās got to be understood.
Look down in verse 19. Heās speaking of circumcision there but I want you to see what he says. The last part of the verse is whatās important. These are external matters. Look at what he says here. āCircumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing [either way], but what matters is the keeping of the commandments of God.ā So when Paul says itās better that he marry, or let him marry, he doesnāt nullify what he says in verse 19. Itās still got to be up under the guidelines of Scripture of what God says. If God raises up the person, if you meet the Scriptural qualifications to do that and remarry, thatās what heās talking about. You say, āWhat are they?ā Just hang on. Thatās coming. Iāll be so glad to get out of chapter 7. Iām going to shout for a month. Itās coming.
Verse 9 says, āBut if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn.ā Now, the ālet them marryā there in no way suggests, again, that marriage is only for the fulfilling of oneās sexual need. Thatās the dumbest thought. Iāve heard people say that, āItās better not to burn. Just go on and get married.ā Thatās dumb. āLet them marryā is in the aorist tense. Aorist tense means at a specific time, at a specific place, a specific commitment was made for all time and it was done once and for all and itās over. Now, the next time you think that marriage is just a bedroom where you can fulfill your sexual desires, you just remember something. Itās for life, buddy. And when you join with that woman, itās for life. Marriage is once for all. Thatās what heās saying. Itās a whole lot more than just satisfying sexual needs that he speaks of here. Thereās much more to marriage than just that.
But he goes on to say, ālet them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn.ā The word for āburnā there means to ignite. Itās not just to burn; itās to set a flame of fire and let it just roar away. Itās in the present tense so itās something thatās ongoing., whereas, marriage is aorist. Itās once and for all. This is something going on all the time, burning within. This is the unmarried person who has been married before and have had their sexual desires awakened. Now that theyāre unmarried they burn all the time. Thatās what heās talking about.
The word for ābetterā is the word that has the idea of being profitable. Itās interesting to me. He says, āItās profitable for you to remain single.ā Then he says, āBut you better keep your sexual desires under control.ā Then he says, āThere are some of you who seem to not be able to do that. Itās better for you [same term] that you marry.ā So, whereas, whatās good for one may not be good for the other, it depends on where you are living fulfilled and in the victory that God has given to you.
Well, āto marryā is in the aorist tense; āto burnā is in the present tense. So remember the difference there. Itās better to marry, once and for all. Settle it and do what Godās led you to do, the one whom Godās offered to you and if the circumstances allow for it and if Godās Word is being honored. Go on and get married. Yes, go on and get married. Itās better for you because you seem to have a difficulty over here. Itās better than to keep that lustful burning going on inside of you all the time. Marriage is the only place where sexual desires can be fulfilled. So if youāre not going to deal with them and die to them, then marriage is that area. Itās not because of that but itās the only place they can be fulfilled.
Well, what have we learned? Hopefully thereās not too many holes in these waders as we wade in this Scripture. By the way, I donāt pick what verse is next. We just go verse by verse, word for word. And like I said, the next section is even going to get deeper, so bring me some patches so I can patch up the holes in these waders. Accept the fact that being unmarried is profitable. He didnāt say painless. Accept the fact that sexual desire must be under control. And accept the fact that marriage is the only place where sexual desires may be fulfilled. But it must meet the guidelines of God.
Well, we waded into the waters. Itās kind of cold. It takes my breath. But again, Iām so glad that whatās over my head is under His feet. Donāt say, āWell, Wayne said it. It must be right.ā No, sir; you take the Word as the Bereans. Search it out to see if these things be so. But study the whole chapter, because you wonāt get the truth out of two verses. Find out what you think or who these unmarried are. Come up with your own conclusions. If you think Iām wrong, let me know. Weāll correct it; because the Word is truth, Iām not. Iām not inerrant; the Word is. But Iāll tell you what. I think weāve got a point here. Itās going to be difficult to refuse. To those who are unmarried, God orchestrated your circumstance. He knows whatās best for you and He says that itās profitable for you. Now learn to live up under the grace that Heās given to you. He does give an exception to it but itās got to meet the guidelines that God has for it.